I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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