sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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