I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
