Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
