She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sorry about my life...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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