If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
