I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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