I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
