Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Everclear isn't food dammit
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
