and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
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he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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