I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
