genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
