she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
