and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
