So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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