Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
