Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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