so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
