he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
