dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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