Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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