Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
