Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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