I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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