I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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