how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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