Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
