in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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