He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
