you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
