Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
