I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
