Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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