I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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