i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
