her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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