I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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