Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My room smells like vodka and shame
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
