I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Bring me that man meat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
