dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
