Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
