Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
