New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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