At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
