I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
