Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
