No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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