Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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