and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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