Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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