this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
