Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I checked into jail on foursquare
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
