We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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