every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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