I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
