I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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