Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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