just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
a search helicopter?!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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