Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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