I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
