Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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