i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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