Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
