There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
