You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
