Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
