i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
