New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
