So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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