Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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