Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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