He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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