Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
