are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
